Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
