I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
