Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
