wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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