OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I love you.
Bad choice
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
