I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
