Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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