I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
