Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize