so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
