My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
