I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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