We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
