That's intense
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
