I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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