so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Houston, we have a squirter
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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