My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
