The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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