i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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