Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
