we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
