Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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