How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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