dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
