dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
