Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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