This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
