cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He did a backflip because drugs
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