dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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