I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
