So drunk its hurt
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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