even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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