The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
