At least make sure they are 18
Why
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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