we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
