i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
