what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
