dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
