Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
