So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
