Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
