Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
