Yo dont text me then not text me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
