Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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