I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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