I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
