I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize