This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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