Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
