Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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