I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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