covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
