I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
