Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
