The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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