my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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