brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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