her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
