Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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