i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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