He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
