It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
