He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
