Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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