How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
