Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
