Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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