she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
