I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
