I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
