Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
