i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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