ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
